We who are working on Project: Load Runner are almost embarassed to admit that we have hit a snag. After last wednsday's purge of traitors and rule breakers we have found ourselves missing one member.
At this point, we are unsure whether Agent Black Ruby was liquidated in the purge, or simply wandered off, but the fact remains that she is gone.
For those of you unaware of the details of Project L.R. it involves basic mind control delivered through soundwaves. We've been experimenting with this idea for the past several years, but it is only recently that we have discovered an effective method of delivery.
Our first step is to create a sensation in the underground indie music scene. From there our thirteenth album would be picked up by a major label, thus propelling us into the national spotlight. Then college students from all over the United States will enter record stores to find our first album to impress their friends. Little do they know that our debut album (while it may contain our finest music) is layden with hypnotic auto-suggestion and killer harmonies.
Anyway, I have gotten ahead of myself. Long story short:
We need a new bassist.
Email your information and a demo to animaetlucri@gmail.com
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
6/7/07
DEATH KNOCKS IN THE GUISE OF CONFECTIONARY DELIGHTS!
Sad news from headquarters today, one of our most brilliant agents lays dead in her cubicle. Agent Blue Turbo lost her her life today in a combination of deceit and candy. Reports indicate that she received an anonymous gift today on her desk between a stack of finished reports and a small statuette of one "Tasmanian Devil" in mid spin. Upon opening it, she discovered a box of assorted candies, and began to search out whom had left it for her. Thankfully, by that time I was back in my office.
After eating a single piece, a severe peanut allergy caused her throat to close up, then promptly explode. I assure the next recipient of my affections, I will do better research next time. My condolences to Blue Turbo's family.
In lighter news, a radiation leak in sector Alabaster lead to a hilarious mutation in Operative Black Rooster. If you see him in the hallway, be sure to enjoy the rendition of Back In Black that his lungs now whistle every time he breaths!
May you all continue in your success, and be sure to be aware of your own allergies, be they for peanuts, or high levels or radiation...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
After eating a single piece, a severe peanut allergy caused her throat to close up, then promptly explode. I assure the next recipient of my affections, I will do better research next time. My condolences to Blue Turbo's family.
In lighter news, a radiation leak in sector Alabaster lead to a hilarious mutation in Operative Black Rooster. If you see him in the hallway, be sure to enjoy the rendition of Back In Black that his lungs now whistle every time he breaths!
May you all continue in your success, and be sure to be aware of your own allergies, be they for peanuts, or high levels or radiation...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
6/5/07
COVERT OP. SUCCESS IN ITALY!
I am proud to report that our Italian branch, lead by one of our top agents: Ivory Coast, has successfully completed it's objective.
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
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