It's working.
The Scott Initiative
IT'S WORKING!!
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
4/7/07
4/6/07
REVITALIZOR A STUNNING SUCCESS!
You may or may not recall a certain initiative, pushed through by Overlady Ivory several month ago, to begin research on drugs that would slow or reverse the aging process. Those efforts have at last shown signs of progress. Special agents covertly slipped the experimental 45-b-2dr compound into the mashed potatoes of one Elsie McLean.
As I'm sure some of you know, this 102 year old is now the oldest person to score a Hole-in-One. Can your mind handle the sheer breakthrough this event means for our organization!? A HIO is incredibly difficult for anyone to score, at any age. Our scientist have given someone over a century old the coordination, power and form necessary to score this most difficult of shots.
Work is now continuing, look for special food supplements within the week. They are going to be small white pills, and are definitely not aspirin.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
As I'm sure some of you know, this 102 year old is now the oldest person to score a Hole-in-One. Can your mind handle the sheer breakthrough this event means for our organization!? A HIO is incredibly difficult for anyone to score, at any age. Our scientist have given someone over a century old the coordination, power and form necessary to score this most difficult of shots.
Work is now continuing, look for special food supplements within the week. They are going to be small white pills, and are definitely not aspirin.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
4/2/07
TRAITOR CAPTURED!
Just moments ago a report found it's way to my desk, filed by Operative Black Wheelie, telling of a heroic struggle against a foul traitor. I now recount the highlights for you, the Agents and Operatives. Let this be a lesson to all of you: We do NOT condone treachery!
-5.34 Agent Red Patches suspected of using AWD email account for personal reasons (forbidden under Code 3215-Sub Paragraph 7)
-5.47 Investigation uncovers a series of lewd messages sent to unknown person. Details too racy to include in official reports (full print-outs attached per your orders, sir)
-6.01 Agents dispatched to Red Patches' desk
-6.29 Red Patches appears to be out
-6.53 Still no sign of Patches
-7.37 Saw person walking by, enquired as to the whereabouts of Red Patches; passerby seemed hesitant, beaten, knew nothing
-8.22 Operative Blue Zipper excuses himself to restroom
-8.24 B. Zipper claims that someone is holding their feet up in one of the stalls, trying to hide no doubt (refer to training manual pg 22 section 4 "How to Tell if Someone is Hiding: The Bathroom Stall Feet Trick", this situation is clearly discussed)
-8.35 Definitely Red Patches, Green Watch and I wait outside (Article 33, Section 2, Paragraph 7: no female personnel in male restrooms and vice versa)
-8.49 Zipper exits restroom looking haggard, but with Red Patches in custody; Traitor confesses to writing emails to secret sweet-heart, said sweet-heart is under the employ of Society for Total Control (STC)
-9.00 Traitor executed, higher-ups of STC contacted, assuming they executed sweet-heart
As you all can plainly see, those who choose to fraternize with the enemy, no matter how sweet their heart, can expect nothing but cold, swift, salty justice. Now, if you all will excuse me, I have several pages of traitorous emails to leaf through.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
-5.34 Agent Red Patches suspected of using AWD email account for personal reasons (forbidden under Code 3215-Sub Paragraph 7)
-5.47 Investigation uncovers a series of lewd messages sent to unknown person. Details too racy to include in official reports (full print-outs attached per your orders, sir)
-6.01 Agents dispatched to Red Patches' desk
-6.29 Red Patches appears to be out
-6.53 Still no sign of Patches
-7.37 Saw person walking by, enquired as to the whereabouts of Red Patches; passerby seemed hesitant, beaten, knew nothing
-8.22 Operative Blue Zipper excuses himself to restroom
-8.24 B. Zipper claims that someone is holding their feet up in one of the stalls, trying to hide no doubt (refer to training manual pg 22 section 4 "How to Tell if Someone is Hiding: The Bathroom Stall Feet Trick", this situation is clearly discussed)
-8.35 Definitely Red Patches, Green Watch and I wait outside (Article 33, Section 2, Paragraph 7: no female personnel in male restrooms and vice versa)
-8.49 Zipper exits restroom looking haggard, but with Red Patches in custody; Traitor confesses to writing emails to secret sweet-heart, said sweet-heart is under the employ of Society for Total Control (STC)
-9.00 Traitor executed, higher-ups of STC contacted, assuming they executed sweet-heart
As you all can plainly see, those who choose to fraternize with the enemy, no matter how sweet their heart, can expect nothing but cold, swift, salty justice. Now, if you all will excuse me, I have several pages of traitorous emails to leaf through.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
ATTENTION YELLOW OPERATIVES:
There will be a special message from Blue Division tonight at 9:31 pm in the form of a harmless breakfast sausage commercial. Turn to channel 23 at this precise time to learn startling new information regarding the Lycra Initiative. Skip every third word in the announcer's speech and reverse the punctuation, turning each 15th letter counterclockwise by a degree of 32.9 and therein lies the message.
Special thanks to Blue Hyperion for her tireless efforts backstage on the set of this particular commercial. Thanks to her, we can all enjoy an enhanced level of communication. As is customary, she will be receiving her gift basket in 2-3 business days.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Special thanks to Blue Hyperion for her tireless efforts backstage on the set of this particular commercial. Thanks to her, we can all enjoy an enhanced level of communication. As is customary, she will be receiving her gift basket in 2-3 business days.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
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